Mary Blye Howe

NATURAL ECSTASY

ONE OF MY FAVORITE songs, "Dig Down Deeper," is from C Lanzbom & Noah Solomon's CD, "A Tribute." It's one that I've played over and over, partly because I love it, and partly because it reminds me of what I need to do when I'm feeling less than spiritual.

Here it is:

When you're looking for answers,
on your answering machine
You keep washing your hands,
but they just won't stay clean
When the colors have faded, like an old tie-dye
And you finished up your stash,
but you still don't feel high
And you don't really mean it,
when you're shaking your hands
And you think there is nothing you don't understand
And you try to get up, and you realize you can't

You gotta dig down deeper

When the gas tank is empty, but you gotta keep driving
And the sun's beating down on your dead-end road
When you're sitting in a fire, but you still feel cold
And there's a hole inside, and it swallows you whole
When you feel like you're pushing a train up a hill
And you run out of questions, and you can't stay still
When the sound of the music stops giving you chills

You gotta dig down deeper
(hold onto anything that's real)
Dig down deeper

- used by permission from C Lanzbom & Noah Solomon



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THIS WEEK'S featured CD is C Lanzbom & Noah Solomon's "A Tribute." I can't recommend it more enthusiastically! www.jewishjukebox.com will offer free postage on this CD to subscribers of my newsletter. Although their website won't be up for a few more weeks, you may order the CD by telephone at 888-322-6322 for the discounted rate of $14.49, in addition to free postage. Ask for Benny.



HOWE'S HAPPENINGS:

Sunday, May 1, 9:45am: First Jefferson Unitarian Universalist Church, Fort Worth, Texas. For more information on this and other events, see my website - www.maryblyehowe.com. Click on ‘events' and scan down the center of the page.

SPECIAL EVENT!! Tuesday, August 16 - Saturday, August 20 - WRITER'S RETREAT in the beautiful Rocky Mountains. This is an event you WON'T want to miss! (Click on ‘classes' on my website for details.)



GET REAL

When I was a teenager, I typically either got by with everything I did, or I got OUT of everything I got caught at. My teachers, most people in our little coal-mining town, and even my family regarded me as angelic and obedient. Yet I shoplifted for the thrill of it, smoked pot in my dorm room despite repeated visits and suspicious sniffs from the RA, crawled out of my window in the middle of the night to meet my boyfriend, pushed my sister's car (with the help of friends) down the street when I was 14 so she wouldn't hear me start it and I could "drag Main street" at 3am, crawled over the swimming pool fence at the park to swim in the middle of the night, and devised methods to skip most of my classes most days without being missed. Most of the time, I'd just slip onto the floor and slither unheeded out the door, although I DID once bump into the legs of the dean of girls.

The terrible thing wasn't so much that everyone blamed my friends for all of the things that I instigated ("Mary, you have such potential and can do anything with your life if you'd just stop hanging out with those friends of yours"); the terrible thing was that I let everyone think that was true. If I stopped sucking up and brown-nosing, how would I ever get by with all the things I concocted on a near-daily basis?

Although I outgrew much of my irresponsibility, I often find myself slipping into this cocky attitude that I can still get by with anything. For instance, for most of my adult life, I've driven over the speed limit (OK, WAY over the speed limit), and when my husband, Mike, would warn me that I was going to get a ticket, I'd confidently tell him I don't get tickets. "I've been driving this fast since I was 13," I'd casually explain, "and I've NEVER been pulled over. Nor have I had an accident since I was 16."

That came to a screeching halt (as did my car) a few years ago as I flew across the bridge crossing the Mississippi River into Illinois, and was promptly pulled over and given a ticket. Over the next three years, I was pulled over three more times (thankfully, I was only given warning tickets), but I also had three minor auto accidents. My auto insurance company cancelled my policy after the last incident, and I now pay four times the premium to remain insured under a high risk policy.

My last incident came as Mike was following me home from Cleburne, where his mom lives. He called on his cell phone to find out where I was on our route home. "Did you see the police car with its lights on at the side of road yet?" I asked. "I just passed him."

"OK," Mike said, "then I'm right behind you."

Five minutes later I called Mike back. "Have you come to the second police car pulled over with its lights on?" I asked. "Well, I'm sitting in front of it."

Did this "tame" me? Sort of. I only drive about 5-10 miles over the speed limit now. I look behind me more carefully before pulling out of a parking space, and I don't let the wind catch my car door, blowing it into the car next to me.

Yet risk-taking, rebellion, plowing into unknown territory, and a lack of concern for "how it's been done in the past" seem to be inherent in my nature. A friend recently said to me, "Mary, do you realize how spontaneous you are?" Actually, I thought, "reckless" probably would be a better word to describe me. The word "balance" gives me the shivers.

So here's my challenge, as I see it. I want to remain a passionate, individualistic, adventurous person. I would make a lousy Buddhist and wouldn't even try; my idea of meditation is dancing under a starlit sky at midnight, singing from the depths of my heart (and sometimes at the top of my voice), and climbing mountains in the Rockies to secluded places where I can chant and engage in mystical and spiritual practices.

I could, however, learn to be a little less selfish and cocky as I live my life. I can acknowledge that, yes, I can and do get caught and have consequences to pay. I could think - surely I could do this for at least a DAY - before I plunge into some new adventure. I could learn to be a little less antsy and a bit more content with at least SOME routine and calm in my life.

Honestly, I'm working on it. At least I don't crawl out of boring studies any longer - even when I feel like it.


THIS NEWSLETTER is sent every other Friday around noon, allowing you the leisure of the weekend to look it over. Please remember: readers of this newsletter consist of Jews, Christians, Muslims, Sufis, Buddhists, and others, and I'll try to represent the mystical/spiritual aspects of all of these.


IF THIS NEWSLETTER uplifted your heart and drew you
closer to the Divine, please forward it to others who
might enjoy it. Thank you!

Blessings,
Mary